I need to do this more...

blog, that is. I've been a huge ginormous FAIL when it comes to regular blogging.

Today is one of those days where "there is too much blood in my sugar stream" applies. Everyone keeps bringing in things to work, "here, try my this", "oh, you'll love my this", or "you just have to try my this". Damn me and my inability to say no. I'm left feeling like an uncomfortable snowman that has his middle snowball made bigger than it should be. :( That's all over after the new year. Food nazi will be back and in full swing.

I am so ready for it to be Monday at 12.05. My Christmas officially starts then. I am so excited to get home, see my family, see my puppy, and just spend some time quite and peaceful. And I'm excited for Christmas with Jason, since he so enjoys torturing me about my presents. He's going to love what I got him. At least, I hope he does :-/

I want Laynes.

This doesn't really have much of a point. I know, go figure. Its really loud in here today. They're doing a presentation so there are 50 people out meandering around messing with stuff and giving me a headache from hell. Inside voices, anyone? I seriously just want to curl up in a ball and either sleep or cry. I was having an amazing day. But meh, whatever.

Someone today in the MSC was playing "Hey Jude" on the piano. That made me happy. He wasn't very good, but you could tell that's what it was. So pretty. I played some after him. I always feel bad playing classical music in the Flag Room. Most people would rather hear contemp.

This week and next week are shaping up to be busy, busy, busy. But, I guess that's good. I can't wait for Friday..since its payday! And I have no money as it is now. Yaaaay! Too tired to make a list.

...and counting!

Today Jason and I celebrate one year of dating! We traded gifts last night and he got me a beautiful James Avery ring that I have wanted forever. Its so beautiful; I have spent pretty much all day staring at it and wriggling my fingers in the face of anyone who comes near me. Its amazing how well he knows me. I'm so thankful for him, for all he does for me, and for all he's taught me. He is so amazing...I'm such a lucky girl!!!!

Nostalgia

I went today and looked through my posting from my livejournal back in the day (and by day I mean 2004-2005). Its funny to see how much I have changed, and how much my life has changed. It was back before the drama. Before the hate. Before the anger, pain, and tears. Looking back now I'm glad it happened. I had to be broken before I could rebuild myself. Sometimes I still struggle, especially in times when I'm stressed. I think that will always be something that I suffer with. I guess we all have our crosses to bear.

Sometimes I miss the feelings I used to have before. Even though a lot of it seems so dark, there are some memories that I enjoy looking back on. Especially the summer between my Freshman and Sophomore year. For the next year or year and a half they are the only happy memories I have.

Then I look forward to my life now. How blessed am I? How did I almost give this all away? Ok, enough, I guess this is what happens when you try to occupy yourself at work.

Foods I cannot eat for the next 2 weeks:
~Laynes
~Any soda
~Any red meat, excluding hamburger
~Queso, or cheese of any kind

Things I love right now:
~Jason, and how amazing he is to me.
~Celebrating our one year anniversary Thursday
~My nintendo ds, and nintendogs.
~My rad new iPod nano that I adore.
~Spending my nights with Jason, doing absolutely nothing

I wonder...

As the world is falling apart around us, and there is new violence that breaks out every day, I always thought (I guess in my hopeful little way) that A&M would manage to hold out of the things that are plaguing the world. The past few days, however, have shown me that A&M is just as likely as any other. Starting with students becoming angry when being asked to remove their hats in the MSC (its a memorial to all who died for our country in war) on Friday, my faith in Aggies has just gone downhill. From the game at Kyle, where people were complaining about the heat and how close to each other they had to stand and leaving the game early as well as talking on their cell phones during the game, to hearing a student complain because they turn the lights out around campus for Silver Taps on Tuesdays.

The level of respect for tradition, as well as other people, seems to be seriously lacking. And this makes me so sad. This is a university that has prided itsself on its level of respect for traditions. You may not agree or participate in them all. Heaven only knows there have been some traditions that I haven't been fired up about. But to blatently ignore one of the key founding pieces of this university, and more so be completely rude to people who are being polite to you, that's just uncalled for. I hope that tonight at Silver Taps my faith that Aggies will stand by each other will be renewed. I hate having this cynical attitude towards something I love so much.

Kind of for Amanda.

So I have come to realize that my life right now is pretty great. Yes, there are moments when I think "Geeze, this sucks" or I get stressed out over something stupid. I've realized, with the help of a lot of my close friends, that I get too worried over small things. And that the big things I do worry about, I can't do anything to fix, so why get so stressed over them? Right now, for the time being, I have everything I need in my life. I have an amazing boyfriend who loves me. I have a handfull of friends that I would trust with my life and know they wouldn't hurt me. I have oodles of aquaintances that entertain and amuse me. I have an apartment that I love. I have parents who would do anything for me. And I have an amazing God who gives me only what I can handle, and then helps carry me through it. My God is an amazing God.

So basically, thanks to a lot of help from Amanda this summer, and a lot of time at work to reflect on things that are happening and how life is changing, I've decided to take a conscience effort from now on to let things go. I can only determine my actions. I can not determine how other people feel or react to my actions. And when everything gets a little overwhelming, I've learned another thing from Amanda....margarita time.

I <3 you!

This is meaningless rambling....

so enjoy it.

Not much going on. Pay day today (big Wh08p!) to that jibberjabber. No fun stuff is going to be bought this paycheck though. Instead, this is the list of things I am buying: curtain rod, blackout curtains, memory foam or down padding for my bed, new sheets, a new comfortor, a tv stand, and a new coffee cup. I figured that with my desire to leave a lot of things behind me, getting new bedding would help me feel like I had done that. And my bedding now is ugly.

This Sunday marks 4 weeks since we've lost Sawyers. I miss him so much. He was so darling. Such a precious little angel.

Things I am loving right now:

~Jason and how amazing he is to me
~My parents and how they support me even when I'm sure they're tired of it
~Mango Habanero wings from Buffalo Wild Wings
~coffee with regular and french vanilla cream
~swimming with Tati
~still chatting with Amanda all day long on facebook

my life and how much no matter what challenges come up, I have people who love me.

Oh this thing called life....

It feels like one thing after another. Its remarkable how after all that has happened in the past 3 months, I still find myself so outrageously happy. I guess you can attribute that to an outstanding boyfriend, amazing friends (both in CS and SA...tehehe), and the fact that I keep telling myself over and over again that this is just God testing my faith and that soon the clouds are going to part. I know that soon everything will be ok. Even though it isn't long before things will change again. I hope that while things change, they will be for the better that will make me stronger. And wiser. I've changed so much recently. I guess they're changes God felt I needed to make.

I guess we'll stay tuned to where the future takes me.

"Life's about changing, nothing ever stays the same."

Should feel like summer tonight...

Long weekend of moving and getting situated, but I think this living situation is going to be pretty awesome.

Tonight the boys are going to Champions to shoot so they can practice before taking their CHL tests. Therefore, Tati and I are going to go eat sushi, then lounge by the pool, and I'm going to have a few beers. It'll be nice to pretend for once that I have nothing to do and no deadlines and that I can just be.

Tomorrow= jason + meg 9 months. Whoop!!!!

Always never the same.

Life these past few weeks has been...challenging.

Jason and I experienced the death of our puppy Sawyers. He jumped out of the car window and we weren't able to get to a Clinic fast enough.

Had a conflict with my roommate that has left a huge mark on my soul. Words said, even in anger, can cut deep and leave a mark that will be with you forever.

I've started developing my idea of the human soul. Everyone I've ever talked to see it as the sphirical ball of bright light that is housed somewhere in your body, most generally people think in your throat. The past month has made me rethink that.

I think souls are ever evolving. Sometimes parts of them die (losing someone you care about, or being hurt by a friend), parts are reborn (rekindling a lost friendship, moving past the mourning stage), parts become swollen ( when you realize you love someone more than you ever thought), and parts get added (when you meet another person who comes to mean so much to your life). I kind of think of the soul as a bumble ball (anyone remember those?!?!). Lumpy and mishapen. Its like a handmade quilt. There is a story behind every knot. Every dropped stitch. Every color. I don't think soul always burns bright white, either. I think it can sometimes fade to a soft glimmer. I think sometimes it can surge to be blinding. I think the soul is housed inside our hearts, because only those closest to us know our true souls. Its only those that we let into our hearts that can touch our soul.

This past month has been a month of evolution for my soul. A large part of it died on that road with Sawyers. A part of it swelled to a size I can't even begin to describe because of Jason and his actions the week after. A part of it was killed yesterday with angry words that hit like shrapnel. A part of it has been reborn because of a friend coming back into my life at the perfect moment. A part has been added because of an aquaintanceship that has turned into a best friendship. I have seen friends stand up for me, bend over backwards for me, and punish me. I guess as I evaluate it, my soul is probably a lumpy, bumpy ball. But its ok, because the bigger it is, the more I have loved and been loved.

Pay Day

Whoo-freakin-hooo....its my first pay day with a big girl job. It was soo cool logging in and seeing that paycheck there. Even though it was smalled than most of them will be, its still more money than I've ever made working. Even though Monday its all going to be gone because of this weekend, I am still so stoked. I'll start saving next check.......

My life is going really really really well. Its kind of scaring me. There's only one little glich in it, and I have a feeling that soon its going to become an even bigger glich, but for right now I am just ignoring it.

Things I am most in love with right now in my life:

~The Lord and His greatness
~Jason
~Sawyers
~Nintendo DS
~This weekend hopefully being amazing
~My awesome roommate Tatianna
~Getting my paycheck and spending it on someone I love
~My job
~Facebook chatting all day with Amanda
~Knowing what true happiness is!!!!!

First post

So the more I reflect on my job, the more I realize this is going to be an amazing stepping stone into a really great career. I have known for a while that facilitating higher education potentials is what I am really fit to do, especially when you're trying to market an amazing university like A&M. It really just makes it simple. Even though this summer is kind of quiet, aparently this is going to be the calm before the storm in the fall. Oh well, I'm looking forward to it.

First paycheck will be Thursday. Whoooooooo. I will offically have $37 in my retirement fund. Just another 40 years to go until I can retire to the beach. Or something like that. Still trying to find a healthcare plan that fits and won't destroy my budget every month.

I can't wait for Saturday. Its going to be amazing. I hope... :-)

Ok, back to organizing orientation material. I still feel funny playing like a grown up when I'm still such a kid inside!