Always never the same.

Life these past few weeks has been...challenging.

Jason and I experienced the death of our puppy Sawyers. He jumped out of the car window and we weren't able to get to a Clinic fast enough.

Had a conflict with my roommate that has left a huge mark on my soul. Words said, even in anger, can cut deep and leave a mark that will be with you forever.

I've started developing my idea of the human soul. Everyone I've ever talked to see it as the sphirical ball of bright light that is housed somewhere in your body, most generally people think in your throat. The past month has made me rethink that.

I think souls are ever evolving. Sometimes parts of them die (losing someone you care about, or being hurt by a friend), parts are reborn (rekindling a lost friendship, moving past the mourning stage), parts become swollen ( when you realize you love someone more than you ever thought), and parts get added (when you meet another person who comes to mean so much to your life). I kind of think of the soul as a bumble ball (anyone remember those?!?!). Lumpy and mishapen. Its like a handmade quilt. There is a story behind every knot. Every dropped stitch. Every color. I don't think soul always burns bright white, either. I think it can sometimes fade to a soft glimmer. I think sometimes it can surge to be blinding. I think the soul is housed inside our hearts, because only those closest to us know our true souls. Its only those that we let into our hearts that can touch our soul.

This past month has been a month of evolution for my soul. A large part of it died on that road with Sawyers. A part of it swelled to a size I can't even begin to describe because of Jason and his actions the week after. A part of it was killed yesterday with angry words that hit like shrapnel. A part of it has been reborn because of a friend coming back into my life at the perfect moment. A part has been added because of an aquaintanceship that has turned into a best friendship. I have seen friends stand up for me, bend over backwards for me, and punish me. I guess as I evaluate it, my soul is probably a lumpy, bumpy ball. But its ok, because the bigger it is, the more I have loved and been loved.