Reflections and Rambling

It is so hard to live in the world today. Violence is breaking out everywhere, its in a new place every day. From the killings and kidnappings in Mexico, the 12 gunmen shooting at the Sri Lankan cricket team, all of the violence in Sudan, not to mention the natural disasters in Germany and Peru. Everywhere you look there is crime, poverty, sadness, and desperation. Still, I can't help but have faith in humankind.

Many times in our history it has appeared that the world is coming apart at its seams. The 60's are a great example of this. 32 countries gained independence from their rulers, and not without battles. London suffered horrors that it had not seen in centuries. Civil rights were non-existant for those that did not meet the standards set by an ethnocentric and racist nation. There were political and racial assinations that spanned the globe. Then, in the late 60's, the social revolution took hold.

I'm not saying that the nation needs to turn into hippies again. No seriously, no hippies. But I am hopeful for an organic movement, somewhere, that can start repairing the hurt we are experiencing. The 1960's had music to save it. The Beatles helped created a mass movement of peace, understanding, love, and imagination. They revolutionized the world through their lyrics, and through their songs.

I can only hope that our generation is lucky enough to have this same thing happen to us. And that its not the Jonas Brothers.

You say you want a revolution
Well you know
We'd all want to change the world
You tell me that it's evolution
Well you know
We'd all want to change the world
But when you talk about destruction
Don't you know that you can count me out
Don't you know it's gonna be alright

You say you got a real solution
Well you know
We'd all want to see the plan
You ask me for a contribution
Well you know
We're all doing what we can
But if you want money for people with minds that hate
All I can tell you is brother you'll have to wait
Don't you know it's gonna be alright

You say you'll change the constitution
Well you know
We'd all love to change your head
You tell me it's the institution
Well you know
You better free your mind instead
But if you go carrying pictures of Chairman Mao
You ain't going to make it with anyone anyhow
Don't you know know it's gonna be alright
Alright

Consider my attitude adjusted.

Sometimes I get in these little moods. Actually, they generally end up being big moods. I think a lot of it is when I try and wrestle with the fact that I don't know what's going to happen in the future. One of my big issues in life has always been realizing that I am not in control, but that there is a force much greater and better than me that already has everything mapped out. I guess sometimes I just need to remember that what I want doesn't matter, because there are so many more things more important than me.

When I was just a little girl
I asked my mother
What will I be?
Will I be pretty?
Will I be rich?
Here's what she said to me:

Que sera, sera.
Whatever will be, will be.
The future's not ours to see.
Que sera, sera.
What will be, will be.

When I grew up and fell in love
I asked my sweetheart
What lies ahead?
Will we have rainbows
Day after day?
Here's what my sweetheart said:

Que sera, sera.
Whatever will be, will be.
The future's not ours to see.
Que sera, sera.
What will be, will be.

Now I have children of my own.
They ask their mother,
What will I be?
Will I be handsome?
Will I be rich?
I tell them tenderly:

Que sera, sera.
Whatever will be, will be.
The future's not ours to see.
Que sera, sera.
What will be, will be.
Que sera, sera.

I need to do this more...

blog, that is. I've been a huge ginormous FAIL when it comes to regular blogging.

Today is one of those days where "there is too much blood in my sugar stream" applies. Everyone keeps bringing in things to work, "here, try my this", "oh, you'll love my this", or "you just have to try my this". Damn me and my inability to say no. I'm left feeling like an uncomfortable snowman that has his middle snowball made bigger than it should be. :( That's all over after the new year. Food nazi will be back and in full swing.

I am so ready for it to be Monday at 12.05. My Christmas officially starts then. I am so excited to get home, see my family, see my puppy, and just spend some time quite and peaceful. And I'm excited for Christmas with Jason, since he so enjoys torturing me about my presents. He's going to love what I got him. At least, I hope he does :-/

I want Laynes.

This doesn't really have much of a point. I know, go figure. Its really loud in here today. They're doing a presentation so there are 50 people out meandering around messing with stuff and giving me a headache from hell. Inside voices, anyone? I seriously just want to curl up in a ball and either sleep or cry. I was having an amazing day. But meh, whatever.

Someone today in the MSC was playing "Hey Jude" on the piano. That made me happy. He wasn't very good, but you could tell that's what it was. So pretty. I played some after him. I always feel bad playing classical music in the Flag Room. Most people would rather hear contemp.

This week and next week are shaping up to be busy, busy, busy. But, I guess that's good. I can't wait for Friday..since its payday! And I have no money as it is now. Yaaaay! Too tired to make a list.

...and counting!

Today Jason and I celebrate one year of dating! We traded gifts last night and he got me a beautiful James Avery ring that I have wanted forever. Its so beautiful; I have spent pretty much all day staring at it and wriggling my fingers in the face of anyone who comes near me. Its amazing how well he knows me. I'm so thankful for him, for all he does for me, and for all he's taught me. He is so amazing...I'm such a lucky girl!!!!

Nostalgia

I went today and looked through my posting from my livejournal back in the day (and by day I mean 2004-2005). Its funny to see how much I have changed, and how much my life has changed. It was back before the drama. Before the hate. Before the anger, pain, and tears. Looking back now I'm glad it happened. I had to be broken before I could rebuild myself. Sometimes I still struggle, especially in times when I'm stressed. I think that will always be something that I suffer with. I guess we all have our crosses to bear.

Sometimes I miss the feelings I used to have before. Even though a lot of it seems so dark, there are some memories that I enjoy looking back on. Especially the summer between my Freshman and Sophomore year. For the next year or year and a half they are the only happy memories I have.

Then I look forward to my life now. How blessed am I? How did I almost give this all away? Ok, enough, I guess this is what happens when you try to occupy yourself at work.

Foods I cannot eat for the next 2 weeks:
~Laynes
~Any soda
~Any red meat, excluding hamburger
~Queso, or cheese of any kind

Things I love right now:
~Jason, and how amazing he is to me.
~Celebrating our one year anniversary Thursday
~My nintendo ds, and nintendogs.
~My rad new iPod nano that I adore.
~Spending my nights with Jason, doing absolutely nothing

I wonder...

As the world is falling apart around us, and there is new violence that breaks out every day, I always thought (I guess in my hopeful little way) that A&M would manage to hold out of the things that are plaguing the world. The past few days, however, have shown me that A&M is just as likely as any other. Starting with students becoming angry when being asked to remove their hats in the MSC (its a memorial to all who died for our country in war) on Friday, my faith in Aggies has just gone downhill. From the game at Kyle, where people were complaining about the heat and how close to each other they had to stand and leaving the game early as well as talking on their cell phones during the game, to hearing a student complain because they turn the lights out around campus for Silver Taps on Tuesdays.

The level of respect for tradition, as well as other people, seems to be seriously lacking. And this makes me so sad. This is a university that has prided itsself on its level of respect for traditions. You may not agree or participate in them all. Heaven only knows there have been some traditions that I haven't been fired up about. But to blatently ignore one of the key founding pieces of this university, and more so be completely rude to people who are being polite to you, that's just uncalled for. I hope that tonight at Silver Taps my faith that Aggies will stand by each other will be renewed. I hate having this cynical attitude towards something I love so much.